5 Gifts of Rejection by Ada Obiako

Be honest, you’re terrified of being rejected.
The dream job you’ve been waiting for all your life. And the reply email with the clichéd response, “Thank you for your interest in writing for…Unfortunately, we will not be able to move forward with you due to…” The University you have your heart set on attending. “We regret to inform you have not been accepted into the Medical program at____________”. The guy you’ve been crushing on in English class. “Um, I’m flattered that you like me but I don’t feel that way about you.”Your heart…the floor…stomped. Rejection from a company or a school or a friend or a family member or a guy or anyone else can be the most heart-wrenching experience for a gal. So much so that you might begin to feel like an insignificant fraud and lose all motivation to live courageously.

The bad news? You’ve got it all wrong. The good news? You’ve got it all wrong! Rejection is not the evil gremlin sent to destroy you; it’s the good angel sent to save you. Here are 5 lessons I learned about rejection that have turned me from a scared and timid writer to a bold and joyful human being:

Rejection will not kill you 

I’m serious, it won’t. I tested it; I lived. Once you’ve gotten that rejection letter from a school (or in my current case, the rejection emails from blogs/online magazines) and after you’ve balled your eyes out in sadness, you find yourself at the end of the day ALIVE. Rejection helps you come to the realization that contrary to what you might have thought, you’re one tough cookie. Rejection builds resilience.

Rejection Makes Your Story Rock

Think of all the really cool and inspiring stories of people in history and in our lifetime – you’ll find it tough to find one who wasn’t rejected. Think of Thomas Edison – he had over 1,000 wrong tries before he finally created the light bulb (imagine being rejected by a light bulb). Think of Jack Nicholson (I loved his “Joker” in the original Batman) – he auditioned to be a member of the Actors Studio 5 times before he was accepted. Five. Think of Stephen King – his most renowned and first book, Carrie, was rejected by publishers thirty times. Thirty! Think of Walt Disney – he was fired from the Kansas City Star in 1919 because his editor said he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas”. (I bet one of your favorite movies as a child was a Disney movie; mine was Cinderella.) Think of J.K. Rowling – She received 12 rejection letters for Harry Potter before it was picked up for publishing. (The seven Harry Potter books have collectively sold over 500 million copies since publication of the first book in 1997.) All the really exciting folks in history have really awesome rejection stories. If the past is any indication of the future, you should be excited to receive your next rejection.

Rejection Proves You’ve Got Courage

It means you had enough cojones to put yourself and/or your work out there for people to see and judge. It means you went beyond your fear of rejection and acted in faith anyways. It means you are fully present in life and experiencing the joy of living in each opportunity, whether the outcome makes you happy or sad. It means you’re one of the brave ones.

Rejection Destroys Ego

That’s a good thing. There is nothing more unflattering on a person than arrogance and pomp. Rejection reminds you that you’re not the greatest that ever lived and that you can always use a slice of humble pie. Remember, self-righteousness is a SIN.

Rejection promotes practice.

Rejection reminds you that you always have room for improvement. As a writer, I should write consistently, continue learning about the craft of writing, and continue developing my skills as a writer. And the same goes for my work as a coach and a speaker. I should make it a lifelong habit to continue improving. And so should you in any craft that captures your heart. Rejection reminds you of the good ol’ saying, “practice makes perfect”.

The more you get rejected, the easier it becomes to deal with it and the less of a negative effect it has on your psychological and emotional well-being. It becomes an acceptable part of your life. There is NO ONE who has ever achieved great feats that wasn’t rejected. It motivates you to put even more effort into your life/your craft, and reminds you that rejection does not mean an end to your great life unless you let it mean so.

So, my question to you is what rejection have you been afraid of that has crippled you from going after what you want? Who rejected you in the past that made you doubt your self-worth and potentially great future? Make the decision to embrace the rejection (tears and all) and keep on thriving in your life. Don’t allow rejection to stop you from success. Remember, the rejection is just an added ingredient that, if used properly, will make your life story FASCINATING.

Photo Credit: fancy.com.hr

______________________________________________________________________________________
Adaeze Diana Obiako is a freelance writer, copy-editor, speaker, and vision coach who helps young Christian women feeling depressed/hopeless discover who they are and why they exist so that they can learn how to enjoy more fulfilling and fruitful lives. She blogs about the spiritual lessons she’s learned at www.deserveyourgreatlife.com. You can follow Adaeze on Twitter and Google+. This post was culled from bellanaijadotcom

6 things we can all learn from 20year olds……………

A typical Monday morning for me, in the my office doing my daily task when I came across this article on www.forbes.com written by Erika Andersen then I decided to share it here because I think we could all learn a thing or two from it, believe me I did learn something, I can be very uptight sometimes so am learning to live a little (wink).  Here, are the valuable things to learn from 20year olds. Enjoy!  

Have Fun For No Reason:  When grown-ups talk about having fun, we almost always make an excuse for doing so, e.g.: “I was so burnt out from that last project, I just needed to take a few days off.”  or “My wife and I hadn’t had a date night in quite a while, so we…”  Young people don’t need an excuse: they feel fun is their right.  I’m working on returning to that mindset – the belief that I don’t need to justify my fun.  For instance, I’m learning to say (and think), “We’re going to Jamaica for a week – it will be great.” vs. “I really need a vacation – I’ve been working 15 hour days for months. We’re going to Jamaica for a week so I can unwind and recuperate.”

Fall Totally In Love:  Young people are great at falling head over heels in love.  It’s easy to observe this phenomenon from our grown-up vantage point, shake our heads, and assume that it’s just because they don’t know any better. But our more measured, wary, cynical adult approach to relationships sometimes prevents us from experiencing the amazing miracle that is real love. I speak from personal experience.  When my husband and I met 4 years ago (let’s just say that we were both way closer to 60 than 20) we were somehow able to channel that 20-year-old willingness to open our hearts completely: we moved in together 10 days after we met, married a year later, and haven’t had a bad day since.

Be Willing to Fail Spectacularly: Young people regularly make fools of themselves. But the older we get, the less willing we are to look bad. Sometimes our grown-up caution is a good thing – unnecessary failures waste time and resources.  But if we always focus on minimizing mistakes and damage, we won’t take the risks that can change our lives.  My husband is in the process of starting a microbrewery. We both think he has all the essential skills, understanding and resources needed to succeed – but it’s not a sure thing, by any means. Like the old adage of “you can’t cross a 20-foot gap with two 10-foot jumps,” he realizes that he needs to give it 100% of his energy and focus in order to have a shot at making it happen. As adults, we sometimes need to be fully willing to fail in order to truly succeed.

Just Say It:  Young people are seldom either delicate or diplomatic – they tend to just tell the truth as they see it. And though it can backfire, sometimes it’s both refreshing and effective. When my first marriage broke up, my 19-year-old son’s blunt assessments of me, the situation, and his dad were sometimes hard to hear – but truly bracing and helpful.  One day when I was feeling sorry for myself, he simply said, “Don’t wallow.” As we get older, we tend to over-engineer our reactions.  I can’t tell you how often I’ve encouraged folks I coach to simply tell their colleagues how they see something, make a clear request for change, or give direct feedback – and what I get in response is some version of, “oh, no, you don’t understand – I could never say that.”  Sure you could.  Try it.

Be Ferociously Loyal:  I used to get frustrated when my kids couldn’t or wouldn’t see the shortcomings I saw in their friends.  But I also respected the fact that they’d stick up for those friends no matter what.  The adult version of this:  use your grown-up insight to see your friends and loved ones clearly…but access your inner 20-year-old’s BFF capability to fully commit to your friendships, as well.

Get Obsessed:  Twenty-year-olds are perfectly capable of spending day and night doing something they love – and when they’re not doing it, talking and tweeting about it to their friends.  Though it can be irritating to everyone around them, this kind of immersion is the best possible way to learn something. As an older adult, reconnecting with that ability to focus deeply and relentlessly on something you enjoy can allow you to keep mastering new skills and capabilities well past the age when most people think they’re done learning.
Hmm! so, what do you guys think? 



photo credits: http://www.managingourselves.com

Me & my office

I was recently seeking employment (yea, yea, same old story…) Following a series of endless aptitude tests and interviews (mehn! e no easy sha) just when I was going to back down, I received a call from a friend asking if I’d like to work in his office. Hell YEA!  I sent in my CV and two days later I got a call from the office requesting that I come in for an interview. On getting there I found the reception quite welcoming and after the interview, I was called in for a chat with the MD and before I could say ‘Jack Robinson’ I was told to come for my employment letter (yaaaay! dancing azonto!). Words couldn’t express the way I felt; it was like a breath of fresh air (GEJ tins ;-). I finally get to be involved in something productive, my heart was so full of joy that I wasn’t even considering how I’d fit in given that I knew no one.

Anyway, I resumed at work with mixed feelings: I was excited about my new job but apprehensive because I happen to be a very shy person. It was going to be difficult to mingle with my new colleagues. I didn’t want to start out setting off their ‘anti-snob’ alarms because that’s been my experience so far (although time usually changes this opinion). In addition, I was uncertain about names, offices, intercom codes, name it… I knew nothing for sure. I mixed it all up and as if that was not enough I was freaking nervous, I just kept on stuttering all day. Once it clocked 5pm, I dashed home to prepare for the next day of work - which actually turned out to be better than the first.

My experience so far at work has been wonderful. A perfect blend of everything, sometimes it gets humorous and at other times the office is tense with deadlines to meet. In my opinion, the office is like a group of very talented and highly intelligent young Nigerians doing what they do best. In addition, the relationship among staffs at work is amazing: from the least employee to the management (hmm! Did I just say least, I don’t think that word exists here) there is mutual respect and value for everyone. Courage, human dignity and innovation are key traits of everyone. One thing I also really enjoy about my office is how birthdays are celebrated! ‘OH MY GOD’! I always look forward to them! The office gets a cake & drinks for everyone, but the fun part for me asides the cake (which I happen to love a lot) is that everyone gathers round to sing, talk about the person, give toasts, take pictures & basically have a great time together! Ah… lest I forget, another cool thing about my office is the “Appzone Champions League”. It’s a football game (XBOX Baby!) among the guys which usually goes down on Thursdays & Fridays by 5pm, and believe me it’s so intense that most folks find it difficult to leave on match days. I’m really enjoying my stay in the office  and though I sometimes get a bit bored, I still love what I do and where I do it.

Working here has really got me thinking: Do I have a future here? What can I do to be more effective? How can I add value and facilitate the growth of the company? Those are some of the questions I have asked myself and though I have been able to answer some, I’m going to sit back and watch things unfold…………….

Wild Expression Reloaded

If you missed the last edition of wild expressions not to worry the next edition is this weekend. Wild expression is a praise, worship,comedy & inspirational event organised by global impact church and it is hosted by pastor yemi & bimbo davids. this edition will feature guest performances by seyilaw, elenu, ajebo, timi dakolo, ikworships, akpororo, acapella, father's heart and lots more..................
Venue: Shell hall, muson centre, onikan, lagos
Date  : sun 28th of july 2013
Time  : 5:00pm
It promises to be fun, interesting and of course lots of WILD EXPRESSIONS. Don't miss it for anything in the world.. 

Poem: My lost love

Restless in bed and sleepless through the night

I longed for my lover,

I wanted him desperately, his absence was painful,

I was missing the way his arms go round my body

The scent of his body, the rise & fall of chest as he lies beside me,

I couldn’t take it anymore,

So I got up, went out and roved the city,

Hunting the street and down the alley

I wanted my lover in the worst ways

I looked high and low but I couldn’t find him

The night watchman found me as they patrolled the dark city

“Have you seen my dear lost love?” I asked

No sooner have I left them, I found him

I have found my dear lost love!

My heart raced with emotions.

Feeling elated, ecstatic and extremely overjoyed

I threw my arms around him and held him tight,

He held me tight,

I have missed him madly,

I wouldn’t let him go,

I have to take him home

Home to a warm house, a warm dinner and a warm bed.